Something I’ve always reached for, finally I found a place where I would be 8 years ago. In this place I was told that there is a God who loves us no matter how much wrong we’ve done and that He’d forgive me, all I had to do was ask for it. I asked for it and it was done, an opportunity to start life all over again. Its the most liberating feeling in the world when you place all your faith in a God that restores your soul and allows you to truly find your purpose for living. This was when I began to understand who I was meant to be and who I was, the talents I was given and why. Everything just starts heading in an amazing direction, you feel unstoppable.
One of the hardest things I began to understand were the reasons behind my mistakes, but not in a self-pity-sort-of-way, in a its-okay-your-a-new-person-now sort of way…to learn from all those mistakes and making sure I now knew I could seek council and advice anytime I wanted from the new family I received when I received God into my heart.
I’ve been doing research about where I come from and what type of things have run in my family for generations. And to be honest, I haven’t found much. All I know is that there haven’t been strong marriages in our family line, lots of young pregnancies, separated families, and strong tempers. The coolest thing I’ve heard ( which has not been proven to be true )…was that my grandmother once made a comment about a warrior being in our family, not sure what war but it tied into the strong personalities and the fact that maybe thats why I’m a fighter and not a quitter. The thought of quitting something makes me furious.
Anyways, I consider my parents to be the bravest part of the little family history that I know. Though I do not know too much of their past, the story that started once I was born was filled with courageous decisions, little money and a lot of love. Given that the circumstances have changed and my main family has broken apart, the beginning of it all was a huge impact that personally…I know see it was nothing but the work of Gods hands being extended to begin to show me who I am meant to be in this world.
I once heard a quote that said "Be a rose which gives fragrance even to those who crush it"
Mom and Dad met when they were very young in Venezuela. Mom was 16 and Dad was 19. Mom was working at a beauty salon washing heads to raise a family of a single mother and 3 daughters, apparently grandma was barely home because she too had to work, as what? I don’t know. Dad got his degree in computer science I believe and was working at a computer school giving classes, back when computers were still giant metal boxes that you couldn’t move out of a room. The beauty salon and computer school were in the same shopping center and thats how it all started. A young love began, and many love letters were written (thats where I got my love for writing). I’ve been told of romantic dates and funny dates with my aunt Yoli, she was the baby out of the 3 sisters and my grandmother would make them take her with them.
Once my mom was 18 and my dad was 21, they got married on December 1st 1990 and exactly one year later on December 6th…I was born. During this moment in there lives, they also found themselves in the middle of a civil war within the Venezuelan powers. An ex-prisoner/ now military sergeant engaged in an armed act to overturn the current government party and took the president out of power. With this going on and a new family arising, my dad now had incredibly big responsibility in his hands, my dad decided to begin a life for us in the US to offer us the best life he could and take us out of a sad, limited future many Venezuelans now find themselves in. My Dad gave my uncle Carlos and his family a call, who had been living in Chicago since the 80s, and headed over on a one-way trip. Leaving my mom and I behind for a couple months before we were reunited. My Dad had now established himself as a computer software developer but unfortunately the market was down in Chicago so they decided to pick up and move to New York. My mom and I arrived and we’ve been living in the United States since then.
Many things have happened since then, I grew up , parents are divorced, both have new families and I now have a big responsibility in my hands as well. Will I allow the consequences of these strong decisions affect me? And if I do, I have to carefully choose what I allow will. Since I met God, life has a completely new meaning. Its not just about going through life as a usual being: Graduate H.S, Go to college, Meet Someone, Get Married, Have a Family and then it starts all over again. Its about the certain details within these steps I’m living , including God, to make my generation the impactful generation that will trickle down blessings for everything after us to receive them as well. Thats what I want.
I’ve made so many mistakes that I often think, why would I deserve something like this. Knowing who Christ is and what He did for me, How could God grant me the vision of a beautiful happy family? My own family, to be in a loving relationship with a man of God whom I’d fall in love with everyday, A wedding of my dreams in a farm, a big open space by the water and wonderful God-loving children of my own running around. Amazingly though I feel that its so far away , I know its coming because God knows exactly whats in my heart. I just have to let myself be taught, I have to truly let go of certain things that are holding me back. There have been moments where I feel I have reached my highest spiritual point and then “boom”, I messed it all up and I feel like Im back in square one. My Hope remains in the one constant that God never changes, He somehow manages to lift me up every-time-I-fall. My biggest desire is to have everyone I love also understand that this unconditional love is there for them too. I honestly want to stop messing up so much because I want to live out a beautiful Godly-life and not just speak of one.
I now realized that the intensity of sin hasn’t just started with me but with the generations before me. And now God is breaking all those bad habits, its a strong spiritual war that I’m happy its being fought because I want the best God has to offer and in order for those things to come, HE IS BREAKING ALL CHAINS.
I AM Being SET FREE, I AM the beginning of something NEW, I AM the daughter of the MOST HIGH. I will LET HIM fight my BATTLES. I will continue to persevere and believe that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD.
My biggest desire is to live a life that pleases God, to let Him into all areas of my life. So far , he’s opened every door, healed every disease, mended every heart break, given me hope & I can’t stop thinking about the vision He’s given me to impact the world. He’s also shown me that it doesn’t even have to be through big shoes in a company or even becoming president (that would be crazy) but through the simple fact that the strength that He has to offer can’t be found anywhere else. Its the reason I’ve gotten this far and its the reason I have an unstoppable spirit who just wants to travel the world , speak of his love , love on everyone I come across and use the talents He’s given me. Mostly importantly to have a family and husband who feels the same one day. The thought process of this world has held so many back from becoming their full potential, everyone needs to know that that’s no way to live, We all have the opportunity to lift our wings and fly.
To fly and soar high.
Like it says in Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”